“Driving Typs,” or “My Father Has a (Cool) Secret Past”
I reproduce, for your edification and for insight into the workings of the parental mind, an excerpt from the email my father sent me this morning.*
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Subject: Driving Typs (I love this typ-o.)
Greetings love. I have yet to shake off this fllu and it (or themany tablets that I am taking) is making me feel worried (?morbid) as well as a little depressed. (My poor dad! Everybody send your best get-well wishes to 42 East Coast Avenue in Singapore.) It must be the former that prompts me to write to you about driving tips. I was once a car rally winner. (1972 it was) ( What? A car rally winner? What is this? Where is this coming from? Why have I never been told this?? Dad, if you’re reading this, please leave a comment detailing your car rally winning history for all to see and understand. Because it is a closed book to your daughter, although apparently you told Ross the whole story during some mysterious walk to Harvard Square this summer.)
So, for what their are worth (In other words, “I know I can’t MAKE you follow them, since you’re nine THOUSAND miles away…), the S*thi family (a little appeal to family loyalty there) rules (Yes! Rules! Rules I BEG you to follow! In order that you see how imperative they are, I shall use CAPITAL LETTERS LIBERALLY!) on driving are :
1 keep eyes on the road ALL the time ( Well, yes, of course I do this, except when I’m watching movies on that DVD player we installed between the two front seats…)
2 hands on the steering wheel ALL the time (But… but… can’t I change the radio station? Oh wait. Am I allowed to listen to the radio? Because it’s the only source of news I have the time for. If I didn’t listen to NPR on my commute, Boston could be taken over by body-snatching aliens and I wouldn’t know until my body got snatched. Isn’t that worth a little hands off the steering wheel time?)
3 declare your intentions all the time i.e. indicate when you want to turn, change lanes etc (I’ve got this one DOWN. I’m an indicating freak.)
4 Do not talk when you drive (I have not been able to manage this.I think it applies to rally driving) ( Again with the mysterious rally driving references. Who are you, and what have you done with my daddy?)
In addition Rani was allowed to drive on her own at night only after 6months of driving with another driver when driving at night. (I like the way he brings up my sister, as if my deep sense of justice and fairness will compel me to follow the same rules she had to follow. I suppose when your youngest daughter is nine THOUSAND miles away and you are worried that she will die a horrible death in a car accident, you have to appeal to her deep sense of justice and fairness, in order to save her life.)
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Well, there you have it: official proof that my poor parents are terrified of the fact that I am now allowed behind the wheel of a car. And they pretend to be proud… really they’re shaking in their bones.
*Dad, I hope you don’t mind me doing this. I only make fun of you because I know you can take it. ;-)
P.S. Received a wonderful letter from Susan Warhover this afternon when I got home that made my whole day. Hi, Susan! Look! You’re famous! Glad to hear you’re getting so domestic — wanna come over and help me organize? ;-)
P.P.S. Those of you I’ve talked to recently know that things at school are much more rough around the edges than they seem based on the few entries I’ve made. I’m not talking about being in control of my classes (although I did get hit by a paper bullet this morning. Rest assured my injuries will heal with time, and the offender is in deep. DEEP. Trouble.). It’s just that the school as a whole is a bed of chaos, partly because everything (kids, teachers, building) is so new and partly because my boss, while a beautiful soul, seems to have a little trouble dealing with details. Which is sort of a problem when you’re in charge of everything. Anyway, that’s all I want to say right now. Stories, I promise, will resume as soon as possible.
Pppppppppppppst…… Dad, I love you and I promise I’m a very safe driver. Except when I’m watching those DVDs, of course.
October 13th, 2004 at 4:02 am
Wow, I am sure your father will not be able to live this down, and regret the day that he had flu and wrote this email to you. Hee, hee, just kidding. Another piece of S*thi family advice, this time your grandfather’s. He said, and I quote, “Lower your expectations and when the end results surpasses it you will not be disappointed.” What a wise man and this advice was given to me only recently. So take this to heart as I have.
October 16th, 2004 at 4:03 pm
Reminds me of the way my dad always threatened the poor unsuspecting driver on many a teenaged saturday night. “I did not change, clean, and powder my only daughter’s bottom just for you to wrap it around a telephone pole… If you so much as alter a hair on her body, you’ll be dead before you hit the ground.” Mafioso in a kind of disconnected way, but the message comes through loud and clear.
October 18th, 2004 at 1:35 am
And I love you too. as for the rally somethings are best left in the past.