Today’s post title courtesy of both the image above and the fact that over the course of the past two days I have realized that two very cheerful sounding songs I am rather fond of — songs that I have listened to and sung along with on multiple occasions — are, in fact, both about male sexual dysfunction.

Item the first: premature ejaculation.

Item the second: impotence.

Not one word am I bluffing, as my dearly departed grandfather used to say. Not that I am in any way opposed to songs about sexual dysfunction, you understand. I’m just reeling a bit from the inordinate length of time it took me to figure this out. I am clearly not, despite my academic history, the domain name I chose for my site, and my current profession, a person who pays enough attention to words. I resolve to do better, in the future. No dirty song shall henceforth escape my notice!

Um.

I think I’d better leave it at that.

P.S. Ladies and gentlemen, this is why I do not want my parents telling my relatives about my blog. My little cousins will click themselves happily along to this entry, their mothers will hear them chortling to themselves and hum on by to read over their shoulders, and in a minute flat I will become their depraved niece who lives in America and writes about penises on the internet and I will never be able to smile sweetly at family gatherings again.