The Day After The End of The War
My mother and I were talking the other day, while Ross was driving us to our beginner’s birding excursion with the Massachusetts Audubon people (we had a great time and saw these many things; thank you for asking). I told her one of the binoculars we were taking was Maury’s old World War II pair, and she told me to be sure to bring that with us when we moved, because it was important to keep things that were full of so much memory.
I laughed and assured her we would, but then I said, “You know, mum, we can’t take everything with us. We’re going to have to get rid of a lot.” So we will. I already asked my father for his blessing in the agonizing decision to give away or sell his old 35mm cameras and lenses, the ones I learned to photograph on and whose clicks remind me of particular days, particular smells, particular qualities of light. It will break my heart a little bit not to have them with me, but there’s just too much stuff in this house. I can’t hold on to it all. I don’t want to carry the whole of my past that way, in boxes, saving it up for my old age. I have to trust that little things will be enough to remind me, and also that memory won’t be my only satisfaction then.
This afternoon I steeled myself and threw out a bagful of photos from the past four or five years. I have scanned copies of most of them, and most of the rest are rubbish anyway. I tucked away a few, mostly of people I love or used to love. Others I hung on to because they reminded me of particular days, particular smells, particular qualities of light.
There’s so much time left, and so much nostalgia left to create. I’m not worried about what I leave behind. I know I’ll keep just what I need.
May 8th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
If you have the slowly, but surely deminishing memory of your mother you will need tangible objects to remind you of the sight, scent and sound of events of yester-year.
Having said that, happy clutter clearing, I need to clear some cobwebs from my past too.
May 9th, 2007 at 7:02 am
i love these pictures Meera…
i think you should think twice about the 35mm… what if you decide one day you’d like to shoot film again?
when Ferranti-Dege still existed, i was there speaking with one of the owners about consigning equipment… he told me to hold on to the 35mm because one day i’d be glad i did…
it didn’t make sense, it sort of still doesn’t since it seems like there’s an abundance of them everywhere (craigslist etc) but i haven’t gotten rid of the two i have…
you shouldn’t get rid of yours either
methinks
May 9th, 2007 at 7:30 am
I have vague urges to shoot film all the time — but I’m really reluctant to become a hoarder of objects I don’t use. I totally understand why for some people it would be the wrong decision, but if I decided 10 years from now that I wanted to shoot film and I couldn’t get hold of a camera, I’d just sigh and say “c’est la vie” — I wouldn’t beat myself up for not carrying my cameras around with me from apartment to apartment for a decade. It’s much more important to me that I not be attached to my possessions than that I keep things around just in case.
On the other hand, photography is far more important to you than it is to me, I think — for me it’s really a fun thing I do and a way to be social. I wouldn’t get rid of my old documents, because preserving my writing is really important to me (and they don’t take up as much space or require care).
May 9th, 2007 at 8:39 pm
Ha — sweetie, I just walked over to where my cameras sit and picked up the Minolta SRT 100X, the one that I really learned on, and when I had it in my hands I just couldn’t bear to think of giving it up.
Ha! I’m such a mess of contradictions.
Maybe I’ll just keep that one and give away everything else. It’s a small camera with a small lens (55mm).
I’m laughing so hard at myself right now.